Results are in...

The hospital called and "Shelley" the breast nurse was on the other end of the phone. In her, soft spoken, "I pity you" voice she said, "Flora....unfortunately I have to tell you the results are in and you have cancer. You need to see a surgeon IMMEDIATELY!!"

I started to cry...there it is...CANCER. My life...our lives...changed forever at that moment.

How? Why? What did I do to deserve this? She told me I have stage 3 Breast Cancer and need to have it removed as soon as possible. She told me if I needed to talk I could call her any time.

Is she telling me I am going to die? How long do I have to live? How long has IT been there? How bad is it? Is it only in the breast? My mind was reeling...I don't even know what else she said. John was standing there...crying. I don't think I could get the words out of my mouth; but then again...I didn't have to...John already knew. Is this fair? We just started our lives together...and now we are going to be torn apart by this THING?

John just stood there...crying. I told him a bit of what she said and that it was stage 3. I told him I don't want to die. I want to live a long, happy, healthy life with him in it. I told him that I am so scared. He held me as we both cried. He told me that everything was going to be ok, and we were going to have that long, healthy, happy life together. We, together were going to beat this thing. He told me he loved me and kissed me ever so gently.

My mind continued to reel. How do I tell my kids? What do I tell my kids? What are they going to think? How are they going to react? Will they think I am going to die?

They came over and I asked them to sit down. Not knowing exactly what to say or how to say it I am sure I had this "look" on my face. I said, "I need to talk to you guys. I have something to tell you." They looked at me and for a moment, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. Brittany said, "Mom! Are you going to make us wait all day before you say anything?" That's my little chip off the ole block. Just like her momma in so many ways. Alright, "I found out today that I have Breast Cancer." SILENCE, then...tears. Silent tears. The tears I remember shedding when my dad told me my mom had Lung Cancer. Then the tears I remember shedding when I found out my dad had cancer years later.

They cried and I cried...we all sat and cried together.

I hugged my kids. A long, loving, lasting hug. Hopefully one that they will always remember. Then I told them, "This is NOT a death sentence. This does not mean I am going to die. I have so much more life in me and a lot more living to do." I told them that the road to recovery is going to get much harder before it gets easier. The questions came...as I expected they would. "How did you get this? How bad is it? How long have you known? What can you do to make it better? Does this mean WE will get this too? What happens next?" Indeed...what does happen next?

The day went on...the tears dried and I decided that I was not going to let Breast Cancer define me...not one bit! I REFUSE to let Cancer rule me! I am stronger than that. We...TOGETHER will be stronger than Cancer.



Back on the telephone...time to start contacting Dr.'s in Chicago...not staying around here! I deserve the best and I am going to have the best. By 4:00 pm I had an appointment with a surgeon at Rush University on Monday morning. Let's do this!