One week post-op #2

Well the last week has been full of ups and downs. The hole that was left after the last surgery drained a lot every day, and burned like it was on fire when air hit it. The first time they removed the packing it hurt, the second time wasn't as bad. I noticed the incision was beginning to close on its own a bit every day. The incision was not very attractive, but quite effective.

Of course I need to sleep on my left side and cannot because of the incision...so that makes me want to sleep on that side so much more. I have learned to sleep on my back and sometimes on my right side, but it's not as comfortable.

Sunday night comes and I know that tomorrow is the day I have to go back to the Dr. A little apprehensive, but it has to be done. Get some sleep and up the next morning ready to go. John and I decided to take the motorcycle to try and save a little money on gas. It was a nice ride in. Beautiful weather and very little traffic. We make it to the Dr.'s office right on time. We sat in the waiting room for a bit chatting (I was trying to keep my mind off what he was going to do).

Sitting there, looking at John, I realized how lucky I truly am. The man that I married truly loves me. He drops everything to be with me, to do for me, to help me when I need it most. At that moment, I knew out of every decision I have ever made, being his wife has been the best one. I love you John Ryan!

The nurse called us back, told me to remove my clothes from the waist up and the Dr. would be in shortly. John helped me take off my shirt and my bra and then he helped me put on my paper smock. The Dr. came in and asked me how I was feeling and told me to lay down on the table so he could look at the wound. I laid down and he said it looked good. He told me he was going to pull out the packing, "freeze" me and then stitch it up. He told John when he started that John had to wait in the waiting room. The Dr. walked out and John said, "Wonder why I have to wait out side? I want to be in here with you, if you want me." I told John I would ask the Dr., but the Dr. said he couldn't stay. :(

John left and the Dr. pulled out the packing. OUCH!! It felt like he was pulling and pulling and pulling. Then it burned. Man it felt like it was on fire. He told me he was going to "freeze" my skin with some shots of lidocaine. HOLD ON!! I have had shots of lidocaine...they BURN...they don't freeze! So he tells me, you are gonna feel a little stick OUCH!! Then again...OUCH and again....OUCH...and again....OUCH and finally OUCH. He told me, you will now just feel pressure, you shouldn't feel any pain from the stitches. OK, deep breath.........

First stitch..... OUCH!! I felt that. Dr. said, "No, you didn't feel pain, you felt pressure." NO!! I know the difference between pain and pressure. Would you feel pain or pressure if I punched you in the face? Second stitch...OUCH!! Third stitch...OUCH!! Fourth and fifth stitch...hmmmmm, not so bad. Then he places a gauze "wick" drain in the bottom of the incision to let the rest of the stuff drain out of it to finish healing. I said, well at least I only felt 3 out of the 5 stitches. He said, I guess I failed. Only got a 40%. LMAO. All in all, it was not pleasant, but I survived it.

Through all the pain and suffering on this day it was all worth it to hear the Dr. say, "The margins are CLEAR."

Clear margins...YES! I will live with the pain and suffering to have clear margins.

I go back to the Dr. in a week to have the stitches removed and get all the pre op testing done for me to begin Chemo. That will probably begin close to the end of July and last 18 weeks. I will let you all know what happens next week.

Lots of love and hugs....Flora

Surgery part two

Surgery again...supposed to have just gone in to expand the cancer free margin. Is it ever that easy? NOPE....

Surgery was scheduled for 5:41 pm...yes, that's right. 5:41. Don't know how they can plan it down to the minute...but they try. So at about 1:30 John and I are out doing some last minute shopping...and my cell phone rings. It's the hospital telling me they had a cancellation and want me to come in as soon as possible. Wahhh hoooo....in earlier means out earlier. :)

We got there about 3:15 and had to wait in registration (of course). Finally out of registration and into the surgical waiting area. Sitting there for only a few minutes and two (very young) Dr.'s walk in and introduce themselves. I would be lying if I told you I remember their names because I don't. I do know one started with a W and the other with a T. They asked to see my breast (fun fun, I know) and then one of them marked my left shoulder to make sure they did surgery on the correct side. Does that mean they would hit the wrong side if it wasn't marked? LOL

Then off to the surgical waiting area. Climb up on the cot...and in comes the anesthesiologist. Mr. Freaking Personality....NOT. John was trying to make jokes with him...but nope. He was like...I am the ANESTHESIOLOGIST, blah, blah, blah....Then he pokes me with lidocaine (to make the IV hurt less when he puts it in) and that hurt like hell. Tells me he's gonna stick me with the IV now, and OUCH!! Hey, you could have waited like 5 seconds for the lidocaine to work, jerk. Now there is blood running all down the inside of my hand and he is wiping off the top of it. OK, so I just wiped it on my blanket and kept talking. LOL. (I am a brat at times I think)

Now it's time for the good stuff!! He tells me he is going to give me something to relax me, but not until the Sr. Dr. gets there. So the Sr. Anesthesiologist comes in and says, I remember you. I was your Dr. last time, I remember your tattoo. LMAO. Really? My tattoo? Not my face, or my hair (well that's different now) or my name...but my tattoo. Ha ha ha. So he asks if I have any questions, I say no and boom....off to sleep I go.

I wake up an unknown amount of time later with John, Brigette, Brittany and Julie by my side. Sorta sore, more sleepy than anything. Throat hurting like crazy and feeling like I have to vomit. I start spitting in a cup, blood, Yeah, they scratched my throat. Must have been "The Anesthesiologist", the Jr. one. Arrogant jerk.

John started telling me what happened during surgery. Ughhh....

It seems that the infection I had a week prior did not clear up. It had cleared from the outside, but was still growing on the inside. The infection had created its own "pocket" and encapsulated itself. My Dr. had to go in, remove the whole encapsulated infection pocket along with the surrounding cavity tissue as well as the tissue that needed to be removed in the first place. Much bigger deal than expected. Then John goes on to tell me the Dr. could not "close" the incision due to the infection. What? What the hell does that mean? That means that I have an open incision approximately 3-4 inches long on my left breast that is OPEN and full of packing. I now have to have the packing pulled out 2 inches and trimmed every other day until I go back to see the Dr. on Monday. Had it done yesterday...ouch, not fun. It looks terrible, but again; I am alive.

The Dr. called to explain all of the details to me. He said, "You are a complicated one." I sorta chuckled and told him, "I believe I told you in the beginning, If it can happen to me...it will." He laughed and said, "Yeah, I believe you. But we are going to make you better, In time. It will just take some time."

Time...I have time. I have my family, my friends, my pets, my job, my home, but most of all right now... I have time. That means I am here to spend another day cherishing all the things that mean the most to me. I will take all the time I can get even if it's time to heal.

<3 Flora

Update

Well, I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, June 14th. On Saturday, June 12th I woke up and jumped in the shower. As I was showering my incision seemed more tender than normal. I looked in the mirror and saw a yellow "pocket." I squeezed it and it started to ooze. GREAT!! An infection...3 weeks after surgery? Seriously?

Out of the shower and on the phone with the surgeon. Of course he immediately cancelled surgery and called in a prescription for some antibiotics. He told me to come see him early Monday morning so he could see what was going on.

Monday morning John and I were greeted by my Dr. He's such a pleasant man, always smiling and greets us with enthusiam. He said, Hello again Gang...lol. Had me lay on my right side on the table so he could examine the "girls" again. I told him there were a couple of stitches that never dissolved and maybe that was the reason the site became infected. He looked everything over and said it looked very good and then pulled out the two remaining stitches. I thought they were going to hurt...but it wasn't bad.

Surgery rescheduled for June 21...the day before my birthday. So hopefully it will be the first day of a new life. My re-birth. I just want to get all this "C" stuff behind me and move on. I know I will "forever" be a cancer patient...I just want to get through the chemotherapy and radiation. So this next surgery (hopefully the last) and then chemo about 4 weeks later.

I agreed to take part in a clinical study. I am not guaranteed to receive the trial medication, but even if I don't receive it my outcome will hopefully help the next person to be affected by Cancer.

I am actually feeling pretty well at the moment and have no complaints.

Just wanted to update you all and let you know what has been happening.

Date with the Surgeon and the Oncologist

We met with the surgeon first...and he and his "resident"...who by the way was about 12 years old, came in and shook our hands. Dr. introduced the "kid" as Dr...I don't remember and said he's a resident and was going to observe the office visit today.

Who cares. A 12 year old boy is going to see my naked boobies and look at the scars. What ever. (LOL)

The Dr. asked me how I was feeling and how the sites were feeling. I told him they felt fine. Very little tenderness left. He examined me and little "Mr. Doogie Howser" (which is what I dubbed him when he walked in) was doing his best to look over the Dr.'s shoulder to see what was going on. Dr. said that everything looked very nice and then asked me who I had talked to or seen since my last visit with him.

I said, "No one yet. I have an appointment at the Oncologist's office after we leave here." He said, "OK, then I will need to know what she says so we can determine if you are going to have another surgery or not."

I asked him if he could tell me what the Stage and Grade of the cancer was. He looked at me, smiled and said...talk to the Oncologist and she will give you all that information. Come and see me when you are done and let me know what she says.

Grrrrrrr.... :) OK.

Sitting in the PACKED waiting area waiting to be called into the Oncologist office. There are several Dr.'s within that area and there wasn't even a place to sit in the waiting room for a while.

After about 20 minutes of waiting they called my name and John and I went into the room. The Nurse Practicioner, Diane, came in first. She is a very respectful woman and she is full of knowledge. She sat down and asked me how I was doing. We had a few moments of small talk and then she asked if we were ready to hear the news. We said yes and she began.

She said, "Well, you will have to have CHEMO and it's the NASTY STUFF. You WILL LOSE YOUR HAIR." I think at that point my heart stopped for a second. It wasn't that I didn't already know that...and I thought I was totally prepared to hear her say that...BUT! BUT! BUT! Now, it's confirmed. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. I was blinking a lot and trying not to cry. As she was still talking it seemed as if she was in the back ground somewhere because all I could hear was myself saying, "Why are you going to cry you big baby. You already knew that you were going to lose your hair if they said you have to have Chemo."

So as I sat there blinking my eyes, the tears never fell. Wheeewww. I cleared my mind and started listening to her again. She was still talking about the Chemotherapy and what drugs are used. She was telling me some of the side affects such as the beds of my fingernails and toes may turn purple...OK. Then she said, "Your tongue may also change colors." WHAT?!?!? My tongue? What color? She chuckled and said, "Purple."

I was thinking...."OMG!!! I am going to be this big ugly lady with a bald head and purple tongue, fingers and toes." What a circus show I am going to be.

As she was talking I asked her if she could tell me about the Stage and the Grade of the cancer. She said, "Well, you are Stage 2. What that means is...your tumor was bigger than 1 cm. If it were less than 1 cm you would be stage 1. You did not have any lymphnode involvement which means it hasn't spread. Stage 3 and 4 would mean that the cancer had spread to other areas of the body."

So...needless to say at this point there was a smile on my face. :) I started to ask about the Grade again and the Dr. walked in. She and Diane talked about what had already been talked about and then the Dr. started to tell me about the different Grades of cancer. She said, "Your cancer is Grade 3." I said, "Oh great! The worst Grade I could have!!!" She said, well although it is the most aggressive Grade, there are things we can do and we will talk about them."

So she started to go over my chart. As she was looking at it, I said, "Dr. wants to know what you think about the margins. He said he feels they will need to be expanded." She looked at them for a moment and said, "Yes, I agree. You will need to have another surgery to expand the margins before we can start your treatment. The tissue they took came back clean, but the clear margin was very small and I am not comfortable with it." (Uhhhh another surgery...)

I said, "Another surgery and Grade 3 cancer...just my luck." She said, "Let me explain something to you. If you left here today without any further treatment (surgery, chemo and radiation), your chance of recurrence is about 40%. If you do everything I tell you, your chance of recurrence drops to about 10%. She said the Chemotherapy is 6 cycles each 3 weeks apart (for a total of 18 weeks) and when the Chemo is over we will do Radiation.

Soooooo....let's see......40% with hair.........10% without.........WHO NEEDS HAIR? Not me! Let's do this!!!

We talked for about 10 more minutes about the treatment and a clinical trial that I may be a part of and then we left. John and I were both very happy at least knowing what the next step is.

We went back to the surgeon's office and talked to his nurse. About 10 minutes later she came back into the room and said, "Your next surgery is scheduled for June 14th." Wow!! I already have a surgery date too! Wooo hooo! Now that's what I call service.

So, everyone. Right now, you know what we know. Surgery will be June 14th with Chemotherapy to follow about 2-3 weeks later. No one is ever prepared for this...but I believe I am as mentally prepared as I can be. I also know that when my hair starts to fall out...OFF IT COMES! The most important thing we have to do is REMAIN IN CONTROL!

One last thing. I know several posts ago I said I had Stage 3 Cancer. I put that in there and left it for a reason. When I got "The Call" telling me I had cancer, that is exactly what that nurse told me. She said it was Stage 3. So I sat here...all this time, thinking that before long it would be Stage 4 and near the end of the game. I then did some research and learned the differences in the Stages of Cancer and when I found out there was no cancer in the lymphnodes, I was almost certain I was Stage 2. I never corrected it...and I never will. We as "normal people" need to understand that just because 1 person tells you something, doesn't mean it is so. She was wrong. And come to find out, a lot of things prior to my fiding my way to Rush have been wrong. Never take one person's word for gospel...and if it doesn't feel right, chances are it's not.

We all have the right to know what is happening with ourselves...never be too afraid to ask. If you don't like the answer...never be too afraid to get a second opinion.

Until we meet again my friends............. <3

Update

The past two weeks have been up and down. Some days have been terrific...feeling great and moving about. Other days, not so terrific...feeling not so great, sick to my stomach and weak, sore and tired.

Today...I feel wonderful. It's so amazing how I can wake up...and not feel that "LUMP"!! What a different feeling. How horrible it was to know when I woke up that there was cancer inside my body, doing what it wanted and I had no control. So scared to think about how far it had travelled the night before, or what it may have infected.

Great news from the Dr. at my follow up appointment last Monday. NO CANCER IN THE LYMPHNODE!! How amazing. I am blessed...but that does not mean it's over. Not by a long shot.

I have my next two appointments on Tuesday. First with the surgeon, then the oncologist. I will know what my course of treatment will be then. Probably Chemotherapy and Radiation both.

I have come to terms (I think) with the thought of losing my hair. I mean...hair vs life...I choose LIFE. My hair will grow back. So many people have said, just get a wig, wear a bandana or a scarf. I have decided, if I am going to lose my hair, that will be my BADGE OF COURAGE. The only thing I plan on wearing at times is a ball cap.

I feel that all women should know that having cancer is NOT our choice....but what we do after the diagnosis IS. We can lie down and let it consume us, or we can stand up and fight back. I believe a part of that is being who you are...truly. And for me, being who I am is not covering up. I did not choose to have this, I did not have the option of saying NO...but I do have the choice of remaining true to myself.

I will let you all know what both Dr.'s say on Tuesday. I will be a little apprehensive when I get there I am sure...but I am ready. So bring on the rest of the treatment process, so I can get on with the healing!

Post-op appointment with Surgeon

Today we went to the surgeon's office for the one week post-op appointment. When we got there I was not nervous. Actually a bit excited. I mean...they did remove the tumor. I hoped to hear that meant I was cancer free and could move on to the next step.

We sat in the waiting room for over an hour. John said, "I don't think we have ever waited this long before." I was thinking...God, that's all we have done is wait. An hour isn't going to make that much of a difference.

Finally the nurse called my name and we went into the room. John sat in the chair and I sat on the table. The nurse told me she had to get a gown for me...and then just stood there. I looked at her for a minute and then said, "Oh, do I need to move so you can get it?" LMAO. Ok, I never said I was the brightest bulb in the box. Ha. So, I moved out of her way as she laughed at me for being a dork... She got the gown and handed it to me and told me the Dr. would be in shortly to discuss my pathology.

I sat back down on the table and then it hit me. I told John I was pretty nervous. I mean...this was "the time". The time he was going to tell me the news. Good or bad we were going to hear it. John said, "The nurse said it wasn't bad. It will be good news. NO Cancer...I can feel it." I told him I wasn't sure, but I was ready to hear it either way.

The Dr. walked in with a smile on his face. Is he really smiling? Is he really getting ready to tell me "good news"? He said his hello's and then said he had the results from the pathology for the lymphnode. I said...well, is it good? Smiling he said, "There was NO CANCER in the Sentinel Node." I repeated what he said...No Cancer? He said, "That's right...No Cancer!"

If I could have done a back flip at that point I would have. I looked over at John and he was smiling from ear to ear...literally!

Then...(always a then) the Dr. said, "You are a difficult case." LOL, me? difficult? Flora and difficult in the same sentence? What more can I say? OK, back to the story... He said, "Well, the non-cancerous margins are very small. We took the tumor and surrounding tissue and thought it was going to be enough...but we may need to do another surgery and take more of the surrounding tissue. I need to talk to the oncologist and the radiation physician and get their opinions before we make that determination." I said, "Ok, and when will we know this?" (What do you think the answer is...?) Next week.

He asked me how I was feeling and how did I think the healing process was going. I told him that the incision on my breast was alright but the one near my armpit was so extremely sore. He checked the site and told me that the site looks good and there is no redness. I said I didn't think it was infected. Then he said oh...I know. I had to "dig and dig" to find the sentinel node, that's probably why it's so sore. Well thank you for that. :)

Alright, so in a nutshell... No cancer in the lymphnode, maybe another surgery in the near future and then I will find out next Tuesday about chemo and or radiation.

All in all today was a good good day. I am happy to have received such good news and am thankful to have such a wonderful friend and family support system.

We will now wait until the next step.

Days 3-6 Post-Op

With each day I felt better but more sore; if that makes sense. The Dr. made two incisions. One on the left breast to removed the cancer and one near the left armpit to remove the sentinel node. The muscle in the area near the armpit had to be dissected for the Dr. to be able to get in. That area is SORE. I think it is the healing process. The muscle isn't being used, so when I move it or stretch it, it makes it hurt.

I am getting better with each passing day...and tomorrow is my first Dr. appointment since surgery. What will tomorrow bring? We shall see...