Well today is day 5 of chemo number 4. I have slept for about the last 4 days or so. Have learned how to control the body aches and joint pains for the most part.
Chemo #2 was a little easier than one and #3 a little easier than two. So I am hopinig that #4 is even easier than #3.
The drying of the mouth and thinning of the mouth and stomach linings aren't as bad. The nausea is about the same though.
Was told that I am in menopause due to the chemotherapy...and boy can I tell. If I am not hot, I am cold. If I am not cold I am emotional. If I am not emotional, I am bitchy. Poor John just can't win for losing right now.
Not really a whole lot for me to say today other than I am tired. Plain and simple. I am going to lay down and take a nap.
Love to you all. <3
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The week after chemo
The first week of chemo wasn't so bad...slept pretty much every day. About day four I was up for a few hours, slept a few hours and so on. This continued through days four through six. After that....the pain.
Back pain. OMG who knew it could be so bad? Roughly day eight... I was in bed but hadn't slept. The pain in my back was horrendous. Anyone who has never experienced back pain should not judge those who do. It is the most pain I have ever had. I got out of bed about 6 am and laid on the couch. It was painful to sit, stand, lay...anything. I found the "most comfortable" position I could on the couch and cried. Hoping the pain would just go away...wishing it away...
John got out of bed to let the dogs out and then went back to sleep. In my state of mind, and the amount of pain I was in I felt like he was ignoring me. I laid there until 7:30 and then called Rush. Told the nurse who answered the phone what was going on and she told me she would page my Dr.'s nurse because my Dr. was on vacation.
GREAT!! Anytime you need the Dr. aren't they always on vacation? Ughhhh... But, the nurse called me back within 5 minutes. At this point I was crying so hard from the pain that I couldn't talk. She kept asking me what was wrong and telling me I need to tell her what was going on. I finally was able to stop crying enough to say, "My back hurts so bad." She said, that's all you have to say...come in right now.
I went in the bedroom where Brigette was and told her I needed her to get up and take me to the hospital. Immediately she said OK. John heard me talking to Brigette and came out and asked me what was going on? I told him (Now remember, I am not in my right frame of mind) not to worry about me...MY DAUGHTER will take care of me. She will take me to the hospital. Poor John has no idea what the hell is going on and he is trying to tell me that he will take me to Rush if I need to go. This of course starts an argument for me.
I told him that he didn't care enough about me when he got up to let the dogs out to check on me that he didn't need to worry about taking me to the hospital. Well, I had no fight in me to tell him that he was not taking me...and so he did. Brigette must have thought I was nuts. LOL.
The ride to Rush was not a pleasant one. I had no comfort level at all. I was up and down the whole way, crying.
Once we got there I couldn't make it to the "chemo room" fast enough. The nurses were waiting there for me to help. They hooked me up to an IV immediately and started pushing fluids and medications. As soon as they started to push the meds, I got sick. Throwing up. Not fun...but as soon as I was done throwing up, I fell asleep. Yay! Little did I know that when I got there my blood pressure was extremely low. Even with all the pain I was in, it was still low and they were worried. But after they did everything they needed to, it came back to almost a normal level for me and I was able to go home. With a huge laundry list of medications to take.
It took a few days for the pain to subside to normal level...but they really did help me out a ton. The rest of the time between chemo 1 and 2 was pretty uneventful.
THANK GOD
Back pain. OMG who knew it could be so bad? Roughly day eight... I was in bed but hadn't slept. The pain in my back was horrendous. Anyone who has never experienced back pain should not judge those who do. It is the most pain I have ever had. I got out of bed about 6 am and laid on the couch. It was painful to sit, stand, lay...anything. I found the "most comfortable" position I could on the couch and cried. Hoping the pain would just go away...wishing it away...
John got out of bed to let the dogs out and then went back to sleep. In my state of mind, and the amount of pain I was in I felt like he was ignoring me. I laid there until 7:30 and then called Rush. Told the nurse who answered the phone what was going on and she told me she would page my Dr.'s nurse because my Dr. was on vacation.
GREAT!! Anytime you need the Dr. aren't they always on vacation? Ughhhh... But, the nurse called me back within 5 minutes. At this point I was crying so hard from the pain that I couldn't talk. She kept asking me what was wrong and telling me I need to tell her what was going on. I finally was able to stop crying enough to say, "My back hurts so bad." She said, that's all you have to say...come in right now.
I went in the bedroom where Brigette was and told her I needed her to get up and take me to the hospital. Immediately she said OK. John heard me talking to Brigette and came out and asked me what was going on? I told him (Now remember, I am not in my right frame of mind) not to worry about me...MY DAUGHTER will take care of me. She will take me to the hospital. Poor John has no idea what the hell is going on and he is trying to tell me that he will take me to Rush if I need to go. This of course starts an argument for me.
I told him that he didn't care enough about me when he got up to let the dogs out to check on me that he didn't need to worry about taking me to the hospital. Well, I had no fight in me to tell him that he was not taking me...and so he did. Brigette must have thought I was nuts. LOL.
The ride to Rush was not a pleasant one. I had no comfort level at all. I was up and down the whole way, crying.
Once we got there I couldn't make it to the "chemo room" fast enough. The nurses were waiting there for me to help. They hooked me up to an IV immediately and started pushing fluids and medications. As soon as they started to push the meds, I got sick. Throwing up. Not fun...but as soon as I was done throwing up, I fell asleep. Yay! Little did I know that when I got there my blood pressure was extremely low. Even with all the pain I was in, it was still low and they were worried. But after they did everything they needed to, it came back to almost a normal level for me and I was able to go home. With a huge laundry list of medications to take.
It took a few days for the pain to subside to normal level...but they really did help me out a ton. The rest of the time between chemo 1 and 2 was pretty uneventful.
THANK GOD
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Chemo has begun....
So July 27 in fact was "CHEMO DAY"... What a day it was. Getting hooked up to the IV was pretty uneventful. First one didn't work, of course. So on with another poke. Second one was successful and shortly thereafter, the "healing poison" (as John so eleoquently called it) began to flow.
The nurse, Autumn, was very kind, talking to us and explaining everything as she went along. She began to tell us about the 1st drug, Adramyacin, AKA "Kool Aid" or "Red". She told us she had to manually inject the drug into my vein so she could watch it...So I of course have to ask why she needs to watch it. She tells me that the "drug" is so toxic that if it were to "leak" from my vein it would begin to kill my tissue instantly and I could face the possibility of having my arm amputated if that were to happen. WHAT???? GREAT!! And they still give it to you. Wonder what it is doing to the rest of me. The next two drugs "Taxatier and Cytoxin" are not quite as bad. The rest of the "meds" go in uneventfully and we wrap up the day.
Not too much to talk about for the first night. Had to get up early on the second day and head back to Rush for a shot of Neulasta. Helps to build the cells back up...but it also has some side effects. Like, back pain. After we got back from Rush I slept the rest of the day. All of it. And most of the third day. Then, I felt like CRAP. Not vomiting, not lethargic, just like crap. So very hard to stay awake. Not really able to function. Didn't eat for three days. Hard to stay hydrated when you are sleeping and feeling crappy, right? They say...drink, drink, drink....plenty of fluids. Hmmmm...not possible.
So by day 5 I have this back pain that had set in. At first it was a nagging, aching pain. But by day 8 it was unbearable. COMPLETELY. I woke up at 6 am in so much pain. Couldn't sit, couldn't lay, couldn't stand, comfortably. I managed to find a semi-tolerable position on the couch...and winced in pain. The pain eventually became so unbearable I started to cry. I called the hospital and asked them to page the Dr. Of course she was on vacation... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? But, the Nurse Practicioner was available and they told me they would have her call me back.
Within 5 minutes she called, but by then I was blubbering so much I could barely muster the strength to tell her what was wrong. I managed to stop crying long enough to tell her I was in so much pain and for her to tell me to come in immediately.
Well, I was in so much pain...and feeling that John didn't really care (just because I was out of my mind at the time) I started yelling at him. Telling him he did not care about me because I was laying on the couch in pain and he didn't even ask me if I was alright. Well....how could he? He was in bed asleep. But I managed to mangle the whole event to suit me at the time. I yelled and cried and told him he was not taking me to the hospital because he didn't love me. He of course told me he was taking me and was not taking no for an answer. He apologized a thousand times for not asking me what was wrong (even though he knew there was no way he could know) and reassured me he loved me and was here to take care of me.
I finally gave in and we left. It was such an uncomfortable 45 minute ride. I couldn't sit still in the truck. Everything hurt. It hurt to touch my skin. I was miserable and didn't understand how I went downhill so quickly. I was still sulking and being a mean bitch (the only word that describes it) to John and he was so lovingly accepting all I was dishing out. And then...the hospital. It couldn't have been in my sights at a better time. I needed to be there. I was so miserable...
John took my hand and rushed me to the 8th floor. Asking me if I wanted him to get me a wheelchair. Of course I snapped and said, "No, I can walk." And he just continued on, like nothing.
We get to the "Chemo room"...and what a sad, miserable, horrid room it is... and they spot me right away. The nurse has me sit in a chair and puts a tourniquet on my arm to start an IV. Just the pressure building from the tourniquet was so painful! I wanted to start crying...but I didn't...yet. She started tapping on the back of my hand looking for a vein and it took everything I had not to cry. When she finally found a vein, she poked me and I started sobbing. It hurt so bad. She told me she was sorry and I had to apologize to her. It was not her fault, she didn't do anything wrong... I was just so sensitive. She started the IV and told me she would be back with some steroids. She said as soon as the steroids were infused I would start feeling much better. She also told me they would help with the back pain, the nausea and vomiting. She returned with the syringe and started pushing the steroids in...and I started yelling, "I'm gonna puke" over and over. The poor nurses... they started running around looking for an emesis basin for me to get sick in, bumping into each other and scrambling around. After I threw up, the nurse looked at me and said, "THAT was not supposed to happen. The steroids were supposed to make you feel better." Well, they did....AFTER. LOL.
They also told me that my blood pressure was extremely low and they needed to make sure I had more normal vitals OR... they were going to have to seek "other" options. Hmmmm...no way, no hospital for me.
After they pushed the fluids and other meds I fell asleep. Yay!!! When I woke up I felt better...a bit. My blood pressure returned to a "normal" level and I didn't feel as bad. They asked me a dozen times how I was feeling and I told them I am fine. Finally they gave in and told me I could go home...but if I started to feel bad again, I would need to return to the hospital.
John loaded me in the truck and we headed back home. While on the way home I began to realize how horrible I treated him earlier that morning. I started to apologize to him...all the while choking back tears.
This whole Breast Cancer journey has taken a huge toll on me...but I can only imagine what it's doing to John. He is going through everything I am and I am not being nice. I am so sorry for the way I have treated him. It brings me to tears every time I think about what he has to go through with me on a daily basis as well as my horrible attitude. I apologize to him daily and I only hope he realizes I love him with all my heart and hopefully he can forgive me when I turn back into that "crazy lady."
The nurse, Autumn, was very kind, talking to us and explaining everything as she went along. She began to tell us about the 1st drug, Adramyacin, AKA "Kool Aid" or "Red". She told us she had to manually inject the drug into my vein so she could watch it...So I of course have to ask why she needs to watch it. She tells me that the "drug" is so toxic that if it were to "leak" from my vein it would begin to kill my tissue instantly and I could face the possibility of having my arm amputated if that were to happen. WHAT???? GREAT!! And they still give it to you. Wonder what it is doing to the rest of me. The next two drugs "Taxatier and Cytoxin" are not quite as bad. The rest of the "meds" go in uneventfully and we wrap up the day.
Not too much to talk about for the first night. Had to get up early on the second day and head back to Rush for a shot of Neulasta. Helps to build the cells back up...but it also has some side effects. Like, back pain. After we got back from Rush I slept the rest of the day. All of it. And most of the third day. Then, I felt like CRAP. Not vomiting, not lethargic, just like crap. So very hard to stay awake. Not really able to function. Didn't eat for three days. Hard to stay hydrated when you are sleeping and feeling crappy, right? They say...drink, drink, drink....plenty of fluids. Hmmmm...not possible.
So by day 5 I have this back pain that had set in. At first it was a nagging, aching pain. But by day 8 it was unbearable. COMPLETELY. I woke up at 6 am in so much pain. Couldn't sit, couldn't lay, couldn't stand, comfortably. I managed to find a semi-tolerable position on the couch...and winced in pain. The pain eventually became so unbearable I started to cry. I called the hospital and asked them to page the Dr. Of course she was on vacation... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? But, the Nurse Practicioner was available and they told me they would have her call me back.
Within 5 minutes she called, but by then I was blubbering so much I could barely muster the strength to tell her what was wrong. I managed to stop crying long enough to tell her I was in so much pain and for her to tell me to come in immediately.
Well, I was in so much pain...and feeling that John didn't really care (just because I was out of my mind at the time) I started yelling at him. Telling him he did not care about me because I was laying on the couch in pain and he didn't even ask me if I was alright. Well....how could he? He was in bed asleep. But I managed to mangle the whole event to suit me at the time. I yelled and cried and told him he was not taking me to the hospital because he didn't love me. He of course told me he was taking me and was not taking no for an answer. He apologized a thousand times for not asking me what was wrong (even though he knew there was no way he could know) and reassured me he loved me and was here to take care of me.
I finally gave in and we left. It was such an uncomfortable 45 minute ride. I couldn't sit still in the truck. Everything hurt. It hurt to touch my skin. I was miserable and didn't understand how I went downhill so quickly. I was still sulking and being a mean bitch (the only word that describes it) to John and he was so lovingly accepting all I was dishing out. And then...the hospital. It couldn't have been in my sights at a better time. I needed to be there. I was so miserable...
John took my hand and rushed me to the 8th floor. Asking me if I wanted him to get me a wheelchair. Of course I snapped and said, "No, I can walk." And he just continued on, like nothing.
We get to the "Chemo room"...and what a sad, miserable, horrid room it is... and they spot me right away. The nurse has me sit in a chair and puts a tourniquet on my arm to start an IV. Just the pressure building from the tourniquet was so painful! I wanted to start crying...but I didn't...yet. She started tapping on the back of my hand looking for a vein and it took everything I had not to cry. When she finally found a vein, she poked me and I started sobbing. It hurt so bad. She told me she was sorry and I had to apologize to her. It was not her fault, she didn't do anything wrong... I was just so sensitive. She started the IV and told me she would be back with some steroids. She said as soon as the steroids were infused I would start feeling much better. She also told me they would help with the back pain, the nausea and vomiting. She returned with the syringe and started pushing the steroids in...and I started yelling, "I'm gonna puke" over and over. The poor nurses... they started running around looking for an emesis basin for me to get sick in, bumping into each other and scrambling around. After I threw up, the nurse looked at me and said, "THAT was not supposed to happen. The steroids were supposed to make you feel better." Well, they did....AFTER. LOL.
They also told me that my blood pressure was extremely low and they needed to make sure I had more normal vitals OR... they were going to have to seek "other" options. Hmmmm...no way, no hospital for me.
After they pushed the fluids and other meds I fell asleep. Yay!!! When I woke up I felt better...a bit. My blood pressure returned to a "normal" level and I didn't feel as bad. They asked me a dozen times how I was feeling and I told them I am fine. Finally they gave in and told me I could go home...but if I started to feel bad again, I would need to return to the hospital.
John loaded me in the truck and we headed back home. While on the way home I began to realize how horrible I treated him earlier that morning. I started to apologize to him...all the while choking back tears.
This whole Breast Cancer journey has taken a huge toll on me...but I can only imagine what it's doing to John. He is going through everything I am and I am not being nice. I am so sorry for the way I have treated him. It brings me to tears every time I think about what he has to go through with me on a daily basis as well as my horrible attitude. I apologize to him daily and I only hope he realizes I love him with all my heart and hopefully he can forgive me when I turn back into that "crazy lady."
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Chemo time....
I spoke with Terri, the clinical trial research nurse on Thursday. She said that I will "tenatively" start chemo on July 27th. Not certain yet, but....if not that day...close to that day. There is some computer randomization that needs to be done and then I will know for sure.... Hopefully tomorrow or the next day.
Keeping my fingers crossed for chemo to start as soon as possible...so it can get over with as soon as possible.
Keeping my fingers crossed for chemo to start as soon as possible...so it can get over with as soon as possible.
On again...
Back to the Surgeon to get the stitches removed. They really hurt coming out! The incision was healed quite well... and scabbed and that's probably what hurt the most. Taking the stitches with the scabs.
He said everything looked great and I should see him in about a month. He also told me he is really thrown by my new last name. He said, I am so used to Flora Akers....and now I have a Flora Ryan....sheesh. :)
He is a great Dr. with a wonderful sense of humor. Sometimes it's hard to find both in your Dr., but I am fortunate.
He said everything looked great and I should see him in about a month. He also told me he is really thrown by my new last name. He said, I am so used to Flora Akers....and now I have a Flora Ryan....sheesh. :)
He is a great Dr. with a wonderful sense of humor. Sometimes it's hard to find both in your Dr., but I am fortunate.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Week of 7-08-10
Went to the surgeon's office on Tuesday...hoping to have all the stitches taken out. No go. He took out the cotton drain and damn did that hurt!! Dr said he wants to leave the stitches in for another week to let the incision heal fully. It is looking a lot better and no sign of infection. :)
Had an appointment today, Thursday, with the Oncologist and had several tests performed. First off I had to have a MUGA Scan. It's a test that checks the heart and its function. They had to put in an IV, draw a vial of blood and inject that blood into some radioactive material. The blood had to be mixed with the radioactive material until it "attached" to the red blood cells. After about 20 minutes, they called me back into the room to re-inject the radioactive blood back into my body. After that was done, they sent me to another room to have the scan. I laid on the table for nearly 20 minutes, and I think I even fell asleep. :)
After I left there I went to have my chest x-ray done, but they said I had to see my Dr. first. So off to the Oncologists office. Got there, had to have some labs done. Wouldn't you know that they poked me in the SAME vein they just used for my IV. Hurt a bit, but nothing I cannot handle. After that I saw the Dr. and the Nurse Practicioner. Asked about the possibility of going back to work full time...that is a no go :(. Both of them "checked" me...aka...felt me up. LOL. I think they like to rub all over me. Ha. Asked me if I had any questions about the chemo therapy.... I told them I think we have discussed chemo the last three times I was there and I cannot think of any other questions. They said the wound was healing nicely and told me to contact Terri, the clinical trial nurse.
Went to have the chest x-ray and I even think the technician was hitting on me. Ugh.... what a day.
Movin on and movin up....
Had an appointment today, Thursday, with the Oncologist and had several tests performed. First off I had to have a MUGA Scan. It's a test that checks the heart and its function. They had to put in an IV, draw a vial of blood and inject that blood into some radioactive material. The blood had to be mixed with the radioactive material until it "attached" to the red blood cells. After about 20 minutes, they called me back into the room to re-inject the radioactive blood back into my body. After that was done, they sent me to another room to have the scan. I laid on the table for nearly 20 minutes, and I think I even fell asleep. :)
After I left there I went to have my chest x-ray done, but they said I had to see my Dr. first. So off to the Oncologists office. Got there, had to have some labs done. Wouldn't you know that they poked me in the SAME vein they just used for my IV. Hurt a bit, but nothing I cannot handle. After that I saw the Dr. and the Nurse Practicioner. Asked about the possibility of going back to work full time...that is a no go :(. Both of them "checked" me...aka...felt me up. LOL. I think they like to rub all over me. Ha. Asked me if I had any questions about the chemo therapy.... I told them I think we have discussed chemo the last three times I was there and I cannot think of any other questions. They said the wound was healing nicely and told me to contact Terri, the clinical trial nurse.
Went to have the chest x-ray and I even think the technician was hitting on me. Ugh.... what a day.
Movin on and movin up....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Phone call....
I got a phone call from the research nurse for the clinical trial today. I have to see the surgeon on Tuesday and hoped I could see the Oncologist the same day as to not have to make so many trips. But of course...I cannot get in on that day.
So I have to go in and see the Oncologist on Thursday and have the pre-testing done before I can start chemo and the clinical trial. I need to have some blood tests, chest x-rays and a MUGA scan.
Will be about 2-3 weeks and chemo starts. I am fully expecting my hair to fall out in a few weeks but I just need to get this thing on the move.
I just thought I would drop a short update to keep ya informed. I will let you know how it goes next week.
Chat with you soon.
So I have to go in and see the Oncologist on Thursday and have the pre-testing done before I can start chemo and the clinical trial. I need to have some blood tests, chest x-rays and a MUGA scan.
Will be about 2-3 weeks and chemo starts. I am fully expecting my hair to fall out in a few weeks but I just need to get this thing on the move.
I just thought I would drop a short update to keep ya informed. I will let you know how it goes next week.
Chat with you soon.
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